I will be marching this weekend with Australians calling for an end to violence against women. Have we not marched enough?

Why do I have to leave? Have I not marched enough?

I march almost every day. When I get off the tram after dark, I walk with my keys projected between my fingers in an attempt to keep myself safe that I’ve never tried but suspect would be as futile as it seems.

I get into situations I shouldn’t need to, like the one on another tram on Monday, when a guy simply wouldn’t leave a young woman alone, leaning over her, pinning her against her seat, insisting on his commitment, refusing to acknowledge her signs of discomfort. I jumped up and stood between them and did the “Are you okay?” sign. By then she was so nervous that it took her a long moment to even nod her head.

I have participated for decades in debates, interviews, symposiums and national conversations, written articles and even books on that can be done to prevent intimate partner violence against women, especially because some men do it, approximately as Men can become allies and I have done it ad nauseum, because it really makes you sick. Sick of the discussion, sick of the lack of change, sick of the burden that is repeatedly placed on women to provide a solution to a problem they did not create.

Tens of thousands of Australians will march in demonstrations across the country this weekend calling for No More Violence Against Women.

I will march on Sunday, along with others who feel as I do: distraught, bewildered, angry, and already unable to cope with the national crisis that is the growing number of violent acts directed against women.

Those attacks, according to two organizations that compile the figures, have increased from an average of one woman a week killed in known offender incidents last year, to nearly one woman killed every four days in 2024. And we’re only in April.

In my home state of Victoria, the number of family violence intervention orders has increased by 60 per cent (almost 4,500 offences) in just three years.

And that’s why I will march, but like many people I know, including all the angry women over the decades, there was never any chance to stop marching.

This is not a new or contemporary crisis.

Given the rise of this violence, with some incidents so shocking and so deeply moving that they change the soul of a city, has anything changed?

Are we being subjected to the final, throbbing agony of a persistent version of masculinity that refuses to relinquish the control it believes it should be able to exert over women?

Is this what happens when a concept of masculinity defined by a toxic power imbalance is allowed to persist and not adequately confronted and destroyed? Whether by parents, fathers, teachers, legislators, judges, politicians, businessmen, sports idols or rock stars?

This crisis is not new: the culture that has allowed control, coercion and violence to thrive is thousands of years old and as toxic now as it was then.(ABC News: Luke Stephenson)

Let us be clear: this is not a new or contemporary crisis. These things, this insistence on control and coercion and the violent resentment caused by a resistant woman, are millennia old and were as toxic then as they are now.

It was toxic for our great-grandmothers when they had to leave the job they wanted and stay at home, financially isolated and dependent; It was toxic to our grandmothers when the concept of “rape in marriage” did not exist; It was toxic to our mothers when the church banned contraception and prevented control over their own fertility.

It’s toxic right now for our sisters, as their dates insist on knowing their “body count” and forming an opinion about their desirability and status as a “good” woman based on how many people they’ve slept with.

I know too many men who refuse to see the link between a culture that normalizes excessive alcohol consumption and an increase in violent acts against women, even though the police have no doubt. I’ve heard of too many men getting tangled up trying to find some kind of “consent” for incidents of rape, and yes, those excuses still include: “So why did she wear that dress?”

(In case you’re wondering, that last observation comes from one of the country’s most senior non-executive directors, and it’s the conversation she had with her male peers last week.)

It is exhausting. It never seems to end.

So I’m going to march and take all this frustration and anger with me. But you better see guys there.

I hope that this weekend men will join the angry protests: women are tired of marching alone.(ABC News: Luke Stephenson)

And you better see the parents there, those asking for the help they need to educate their sons and daughters about the dangers of outdated and dangerous gender expectations and formulations. Men who want to denounce the sexist shit they still hear their friends say. Men who don’t immediately ask “but why did she get in the taxi with him?” Men who are working to properly understand what consent is. Men who understand the connection between normalized excessive alcohol consumption, normalized pornography use, financial dependency, and violence against women.

They better be there. We are tired of marching alone.

This weekend we’re taking you deep into the Nullarbor, deep into the working lives of royals and beyond what social media algorithms would like.

Have a safe and happy weekend, catch up on the wonderful days I spent with actress and producer Marta Dusseldorp for my series, Creative Types, and read about her intriguing suggestion on how to bring back dear Janet King. You can also stream all the episodes you’ve missed.

And if you remember my Taylor Swift Patti Smith reference from last week, then meet Patti’s real daughter and musical heir.

Melbourne singer Grace Cummings has just released her third album, Ramona, and it’s a powerhouse: gorgeous strings and bass and that delicious voice. She has all the feels you need for this Saturday morning and well into the night.

Go well.